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Searching For a Soulmate - The Reality and the Illusion

Marriage is one of the oldest institutions created by man. An old proverb says, "Marriages are made in heaven and consummated on Earth." It is widely believed that God creates human beings in pairs from the same soul and everyone has his or her soulmate in this world. The true love is about discovering your soulmate in this world. Thus for every person, there is a unique soulmate and it is the destiny of the person to search his or her soulmate.

The concept of soulmate is quite romantic and interesting as every person who falls in love indeed feel that he has discovered the soulmate. The lovers believe that they are made for each other or they are two bodies and one soul.

Thus often people refer love as an act of the union of souls.

Yet all love may not lead to the union of soul as only the souls of the Soulmates can be united. This concept is explained in the most beautiful manner in book "Brida" by world famous author Paulo Coelho in the following words

And when people think of reincarnation, they always come up against a very difficult question: if, in the beginning, there was so few people on the face of Earth, and now there are so many, where did all those new souls come from?

The answer is simple.

In certain reincarnations, we divide into two. ...Our souls divides in two, and those new souls are in turn transformed into two and so, within a few generations, we are scattered over a large part of Earth...And that process of finding ourselves is called Love. Because when a soul divides, it always divides into a male part and a female part.

That's how the Book of Genesis explains it: the soul of Adam was split in two, and Eve was born out of him.

In each life, we feel a mysterious obligation to find at least one of those Soul Mates. The Greater Love that separated them feels pleased with the Love that brings them together again.

It is for his reason that everyone seems to be looking after the special person in his or her life who is the soulmate.

Identification of Soulmate

The concept of soulmate is so popular in the world that it can be found in virtually every civilization. The most difficult problem, however, seems to be the identification of the soulmate.

The feeling of love is the most poplar method of finding the soulmate. When a man and woman fall in love, their soul seems to get united and they behave like two bodies and one soul. In the book Brida, Paulo Coelho writes

You could tell your soulmate by the light in their eyes, and since the time began, that has been how people have recognized their true love. The Tradition of the Moon used a different process: a kind of vision that showed a point of light above the left shoulder of your Soulmate.

People try very sincerely in finding their Soulmates by love. Yet most people fall out of love sooner than later. Therefore love is often called blind. Ambrose Bierce called love as insanity,

"Love is a temporary insanity that is curable by marriage".

The fact is that most people who find deepest love in their beloved rarely sustain for their lifetime as evident from the rise of divorce rates in the modern world.

The Rise of Divorce Rate

Most people face disappoint in their love as they soon discover that the person they loved is not their soulmate. This has led to the rise in the divorce rates particularly in the western world. According to Jennifer Baker of the Forest Institute of Professional Psychology in Springfield, Missouri, "50% percent of first marriages, 67% of second and 74% of third marriages in America end in divorce.

The statistics however, narrates only a part of the story as most people have now become so suspicious about the success of their marriage that they prefer to live-in for years and even have children before marriage. Only when they are absolutely sure that they are in love, that they decide to marry. Yet the marriage soon end of in divorce as the statistics reveals.

Does it mean that most people are unable to find their soulmate?

Or Does it means that there is something wrong with our perception of the soulmate.

We also ask ourselves if soulmate really exist or is it merely an illusion created by our ancestors to ensure that the people do not divorce by believing that their marriages are made in heaven. So once you are married, it becomes a sin to divorce your spouse in many traditions. Since most of the people are afraid of committing sin, hence the marriages survived in the past.

However, after the man started choosing their loved one by falling in love, they soon found that love does not really exist except in the romantic novel or spiritual literatures.

What Scriptures say about Marriage

Marriage is one of the most secret institutions of humanity. In India, the Hindu marriages are still solemnized using the mantras of "Rig Veda", the oldest scripture of humanity written more than three thousand years before the birth of the Christ. In Hindu scriptures, marriages are considered to be unbreakable in this life and go beyond the present life upto seven lives.

The institution of marriage in India has withstood the test of time. Even in the modern time, when the western world is struggling to reduce the divorce rates, in India the divorce rate is much lower than 1% despite of having similar provisions of divorce in the law as existing in the western world.

The most interesting fact about Indian marriage is that about 90% marriages are "arranged" by the parents of the boy and girl rather than happen due to falling in love. Most time, the boys have not even seen the girl. Even if they have seen each other, they hardly can know each other as they meet for a very short time in the presence of their parents and other family members. Yet almost all marriages survive and most couple feel in love during their life.

The Concept of Love and Marriage

In order to understand the design of the love, one has to refer to Bible which deals with the concept of love and marriage in its first chapter of Genesis (21-24)

So the LORD God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man's ribs and closed up the place with flesh. Then the LORD God made a woman from the rib, he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man. The man said,

"This is now bone of my bones

and flesh of my flesh;

she shall be called 'woman, '

for she was taken out of man."

For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.

Thus the nature has divided the human specie into man and woman. God in Indian Scriptures is also called as the Universal Soul (Paramtama) because He is the source of all the individual souls of the people. Therefore, in every single person live the same soul which is the soul of God as no soul has its individual and independent existence.

The Illusion of Soulmate

Hence it may be futile to search a soul that is meant especially for the person as all souls are the same. They only difference is that the soul of man and woman are complementary to each other just like the protons and electrons particles who are equal and opposite to each other.

The connection between different soul is only through the Soul of the World or God which connects each person like a thread joins the flowers to make a garland.

Hence the secret of love lies in the love of God. Once a person loses faith in God, there is no way one can maintain the connection with any other soul. It is for this reason that faith has emerged as the most important element in remaining in love and marriage. It is well said "The family that prays together stays together".

No God No Love

It is said that love is God or God is love because love and God are two names of the same reality. The love in which most people fall is also real as God has created attraction between the man and woman to realize their spiritual destiny. Only by the union of body, a new life is created. In the same way, due to the union of the soul, the love is born.

Love like any living born is born and it grows of its own. In the beginning, love may be physical but gradually it evolves in to the state of mind and soul so that its final destiny of being one with God can be realized.

It is for this reason that all love based on physical attractions start tapering off unless the spouses the relationship evolves from physical stage to the stage of mind and soul. The union of body must grow to become the union of mind which means that the lovers must become friend soon. Friends have little or no element of physical component. The friendship has to gradually become spiritual when the union of the soul between the lovers is achieved. The union of soul then has to grow into the spiritual union with God.

However, people fail to accept the change in the nature of love like some people can't reconcile the growth of their child. They feel the loss of physical desire as the loss of love as they identify love with physical attraction.

This lead to the search of a new soulmate and the search continues till their last breadth when they finally realize that there is no soulmate.

However, those who have faith gradually transform to the spiritual being along with their Soulmates passing through the stage of body, mind, soul and spirit (God).

The True Soulmate

The concept of soulmate is for real. Yet there is no uniqueness in the soulmate as all people have the same soul which is part of God. One can therefore, find his soulmate and love in most of the people provided they have faith in God. The only way to remain in love is to have faith and accept love in all forms like lust, friendship and spirituality as the ultimate destiny of every soul is to become one with God. The physical love is just the beginning of the journey. The soulmate is one who not only helps you in attaining your destiny but also travels together toward the realization of this density together.

A Brief Profile of Dr Awdhesh K Singh

I am an Engineer by education, a public officer by profession and a spiritual person by intuition.

I hold my PhD degree in the field of E-Governance.

I am a founding member of The Aatmic Science Foundation (The Science of Soul Foundation) that is working for the synthesis between all religions, spirituality and sciences.

The website of the foundation is []

My main area of study and research is to use religions, spirituality and scientific methods of investigations to understand and solve the real life problems of human beings.

I have published hundreds of articles and research papers on this topic on various websites and journals.

Please contact me on my email aksinghirs [a] for any help, suggestions or feedback.

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